8 Practical Ways to Cope with your Job until you can Quit. (And a Printable Worksheet!)

8 practical ways to deal with your job until you can quit

Do you hate your job?

There are ways to actually cope with a job you hate. I’m gonna be honest and raw right now. I absolutely hate my job. The one that I work 5 days a week, 8 hours per day. The one that pays the bills right now.

I. Hate. It.

If you are reading this right now, chances are that you are 1) my mother, or 2) also hating on your job pretty strongly. You are probably hoping to hear something more helpful than, “If you hate your job so much, then just quit!” Well, I am here to tell you there are many more ways to cope with a job you hate than to just quit.

You can’t just quit.

Both you and I know there is a huge flaw in the theory that if you hate something you should just quit. It’s totally ridiculous to give someone that advice for several reasons. 

  1. If you quit, how do you pay the bills? Most of us do not have a huge stash of cash somewhere. We work because we have to pay bill. If you work because you love it, then you can just stop reading now. This post is not for you.
  2. Since you have a full-time job already, when are you going to find time for interviewing? Sure, you could probably stay up late applying for jobs but interviewing is usually scheduled during the day at the convenience of the hiring manager.
  3. If you are looking for a job outside of your current organization, chances are that the pay will be lower because you are starting all over, especially if you do not have a great education or tons of experience. (See next point).
  4. Unless you have a great education or tons of experience, your options may be limited when it comes to finding something that both pays well and that you are qualified to do.

8 practical ways to cope with your job until you can quit

Please hear me out. I’m not here to discourage you and I am all for you getting out of the job you hate. But until you realistically can quit without becoming homeless, there are some things you can do to be a little happier.

Analyze the situation

Look at the situation and try to pinpoint why you are unhappy and see if there is a feasible way you can fix it. Forgive me if you have already looked at your situation from millions of angles and can’t see anything differently. For those of you who haven’t, ask yourself some important questions:

Is it your actual job you hate, the thing that you technically do every day?  Is it your boss that drives you nuts or you can’t trust? Is it your coworkers? Is it the politics and/or protocols that are put into place? Is it the hours or the commute to and from work? It could be a combination of more than one of these. Think of every facet of your work life and write down how you feel about it.

Next, brainstorm about ways you can fix it, if possible. Sometimes there are solutions and sometimes there are not but it never hurts to find out. This is especially true if you are able to avoid the hassle of finding a new job. If there is not way to fix it, don’t feel bad because I have some more suggestions for you.

Get up for something other than your job.

Don’t go to bed with the thought of getting up just so you can go to work the next morning. Later on I will get into some practical things that you can do to change your situation. Right now, these small things need to be implemented to help you hang on through the change. Don’t stop reading yet.

You will get up (after hitting snooze a few times) so that you can make it to work on time but that doesn’t have to be your primary reason for getting up in the morning. Change it to something else. Intentionally plan something into your routine that you actually do look forward to getting up for. It doesn’t have to be anything huge and it will be different for everyone, but it MUST be something enjoyable. Here are some ideas but I challenge you to think of something that fits you personally.

  1. A morning walk/jog in the fresh air. I can tell you right now, this is not what I get up for.
  2. A delicious breakfast if trying new dishes is your thing. You have to have breakfast anyway so may as well.
  3. Read a chapter in a book each morning. That will definitely make you want to get up so you can see what happens next.
  4. Make a simple coffee and try some new creamers. One of my personal favorite ideas.
  5. Have a morning quiet time, just you and God. (I love this one!)

Getting up to do something you love is much more fun than getting up to go to work!

Focus on life outside of your job

Sometimes my job is so overwhelming that my first tendency is to come home and veg out in front of the TV or scroll through Facebook for the evening. There’s nothing wrong with these things, in and of themselves, but do make sure you aren’t spending your time that way every evening. You don’t want to look back and know that you let your unfulfilling life at work rule the fulfilling life you could’ve had elsewhere. No, you want to look back and have lots of good memories that have nothing to do with your sucky job.

  1. I played with my child(ren) and we laughed!
  2. I volunteered to do a community service.
  3. I wrote some good stuff and it helped someone else.
  4. I taught a class at my church or other organization.

I realize that these all take time and energy but you won’t be sorry for that later. And as an added bonus you can use a lot of things like this to make your resume shine and land you the job that you really love!

Keep Working with Integrity at your current job

Not only for others, who expect it, but for other important reasons. When we feel trapped or unappreciated, there is a tendency to do the minimum that we can do to get by. Don’t do this! Keep working hard at your job because there is a personal satisfaction from a job well done. Do it for the clients/customers/patients who are depending on you and have little to do with how you feel about your job. Do it for Christ because He gave his personal best for us and we should strive to be like Him.

But also do it for yourself because sometimes the rewards are not immediate but they come later because you’ve worked with integrity at something you didn’t like. When you finally go to apply/interview for that dream job, you want your boss and coworkers to give a glowing report of how you moved your company forward. Don’t be the one struggling for truthful things to add to your resume.

Plan Things at Work

This next point may seem very counter-intuitive but just try it and see. I’m not saying to plan a party outside of work or trying to create a bowling team of your coworkers. If you are feeling down about your job, then chances are that some of your coworkers are feeling the same way. God knows if you all loathe coming to work then you would rather shoot yourself in the foot than to continue work activities outside of work. However, it doesn’t hurt to make an effort to lift your own morale and that of your coworkers. In doing so, you will create a team atmosphere, a support system for one another, a willingness to share. It doesn’t have to be anything big or of much effort. Try one of these:

  1. Organize a potluck around a holiday and try to decorate a little. 
  2. Leave your immediate coworkers a token of appreciation on their desk. It could be a piece of chocolate with a note.
  3. Bring breakfast ( burritos or donuts) every once in a while.
  4. Recognize a coworker in some tangible way for doing a great job or going above and beyond.

Communicate Honestly but Professionally

Try to remember that you can expect people to do their jobs, be professional, and care. One thing you definitely cannot expect someone to do is read your mind. Don’t spread negativity around about someone because they didn’t somehow know what you needed or wanted. You don’t want to be known as one who is a busy-body or easily offended.

However, if there is something that you feel needs to be known or expressed, go ahead. Just do it in a manner that is respectful and decent. No eye-rolling or loud sighing. Get to the point and get there nicely for your own sake. There are times when we all feel very emotional about certain things but be sure and weigh the consequences of your words and actions.

Most Importantly

If you have made it this far into this post, then I know you are serious about making some changes. I believe you will leave with more hope than you started with. Many times we don’t love our job, not because of the job or the people. If you have taken a hard look at the situation, you more than likely don’t like it because you feel trapped or stuck.

Some people do like to do the routine, same thing over and over at their job and have no desire to grow or become anything more than what they are. There is nothing wrong with that. But others feel like they are not being promoted or awarded for their hard work. They are trying to get somewhere but are being held back. Others are in the wrong line of work altogether and have just realized it. It’s disheartening to say the least.

When you feel trapped in a meaningless or purposeless job, you start feeling as if you are not making a difference and that you yourself are meaningless! 

Create a Road Map

The way to change this predicament is to make a road map that will take you out of that place and into one that is spectacular! To do this you need a VISION, an idea of where it is that you would like to be. You can’t just say you want to have a better job because that is too broad. Be specific in what you want and then make a plan to get there.

  1. Think about what you would like to be doing or at least the kind of things you would like to be doing
  2. What needs to happen for you to get there?
    • More education?
    • Is there on-the-job training?
    • Can you volunteer for anything that gives you the experience you need?
  3. What is the first step to take to get it going? You don’t have to have all the steps right now. You just need to get one or two. After that you will begin to see what the next step is and the step after that.

Just remember, anything worth having takes effort. It will be worth but may not seem like it at times. Just keep going!

My Personal Example of Coping with my Job

  1. I really want to get out of my job because I feel like I can give more if I’m doing something else.
  2. My goal is to be doing something that is more flexible so I don’t have to miss important milestones in my daughter’s life.
  3. What steps can I take at my current stage of life that will lead in the direction of my dream?

In my case, I love to write, help others, be creative. I want something that will provide a paycheck that allows me to help others in a way that is meaningful. I decided that a blog would be provide a creative outlet for me and I could also help others. However, I knew nothing about making an income with a blog.

I had to step out of my comfort zone and make a huge effort to learn, which meant finding time aside from family time and work time. I had to research the technical part of setting up a blog. I attended webinars (and still do!) to learn how others became successful. I had to find time to write posts that were exceptional.

Do you see how I’ve started writing down steps that have moved me closer and closer to being able to quit my 9-5? It may not be for some time that I get to turn in my notice but in the meantime, I’ve figured out how to cope with my job that isn’t so fun. Yes, I have to stay up late. Yes, I have to work extremely hard to balance life. But when I think of what my future will someday look like, it gives me the strength to return, day after day, to a job that is only bearable.

Please leave a comment and tell me what you would rather be doing. How do you plan to get there?

Also, don’t forget to print out your worksheet so you can make your own road map. I would love to hear about your dreams and goals!

— JKMayfield

How to Make a Magnetic Spice Rack (Plus a free Printable!)

 What do you have in your cabinet?

My cabinets were getting pretty cluttered with all kinds of spices after being married for 5 years. My husband loves to grill and has acquired several bottles of meat rubs and olive oils, and anything else that catches his eye.
 It’s wonderful!
Except for the fact that I couldn’t find any specific spice without knocking three or four others out. I never knew if i was out of something or if it was hidden behind the giant bottle of brisket rub.

But I had an idea…

I started looking online and found these two spice racks that I really liked that I thought would not take up much room.
                                                       How to make a magnetic spice rack                How to make a magnetic spice rack
I liked the first one from Wilo Design Farm but I wasn’t sure how to make all of those compartments. And what is the point of a do-it-yourself project if you can’t do-it-yourself? So then I thought the second at Paint Speckled Pawprints one looked great and I would just do that.
But THEN I found this frame when I was cleaning out the garage.
How to make a magnetic spice rack

It was gold and apparently it used to hang in my parents’ bathroom.
It is a 12 X 15 frame and I thought it would work perfectly to make my own magnetic spice rack!


I painted it with primer. To be honest, I think it looked good with just the primer.
But I already knew in my head what color I was going to paint it and there was no turning back!

This is the kind of primer I used. I know nothing really about primer except that you should use it to help the paint stick to whatever you are painting. However, I do know that you are supposed to get grey primer when you are painting something a bright color because it takes less coats than if you used white primer. I read that this “Gripper” from Glidden is a very good one to try.


So then I painted it this lovely green color called “Sultana” by Martha Stewart. I know it looks yellow in the picture!
I just got a new camera and I haven’t figured out everything about it yet…
Here is a closer look at the frame. I think it has some pretty nifty detailing around it. After the paint dried I sprayed it with sealer.

Measure Twice, Cut Once

I don’t have pictures of the next part but it involved sheet metal and metal snippers. I bought a small sheet of metal that was 12 X 18 inches big and had to cut it down to size. The sheet of metal was $5. One word of wisdom – measure TWICE, cut ONCE. That’s right, I had to go right back to Home Depot and buy the remaining sheet of metal.
Once I had it snipped to the right size, I just put it in the frame and my spice rack was ready to go!


I love these spice tins and clear spice labels.  
They can be found at Amazon but I got them at The Container Store. At $5.99 for 3, they are a bit pricey but totally worth it because they have lids that turn so that you can sprinkle the spices out. There is a bigger hole if you want more to come out. Or you can take the whole lid off if you are using a measuring spoon. Also, there was already a magnet on the back of each tin which saved me the trouble of buying them and gluing them on. And… if I had bought just the regular tins, the shipping would have made them cost just as much. So there. Justified.


How to make a magnetic spice rack


See those letter? I got those at Michael’s. They are stuck to the wall with two-faced tape. I spray-painted them red to match a few other things in my kitchen. I’m hoping to change the curtains at some point so they’ll fit in better.

How to make a magnetic spice rack

I think it looks lovely and furthermore, it is practical!

Free Download!

Do you need some recipes for some spice mixes?
Click HERE to get 6 of the most commonly used spice mixes (hamburgers, chili, steak, etc).

Have a great day!


— JKMayfield

Warning! Hanging in There is Destroying your Health!!


Just “Hang in There!”

Warning! Hanging in there may be destroying your health!

Are you aware that stress may be killing you?

We are tough. We are strong. We are just hanging in there until it is a reasonable time to:

Leave the relationship
Go to the doctor
Quit your job or find a different one
Ask for help
Have that difficult talk 

Warning! Hanging in there may be destroying your health!

But are you aware that “hanging in there” can destroy your health?

Here’s what happened to me

I got married and suddenly I became a notch down on the totem pole. I absolutely loved doing things for my husband, taking care of his needs, making him happy and I always put his needs above my own. Then two years later we had a daughter together. The pregnancy was awesome and my husband was very attentive and generous with his time. Once the baby was born, things turned upside down. I swear, I had barely gotten home after being cut almost in half with a C-section and I was no longer given any grace.  I don’t know exactly when the thought process became such that I wasn’t important to myself anymore. Or maybe I just wasn’t as important as everyone else. My daughter, being a helpless baby,  was my priority and my husband ran a close second. 

You probably put yourself behind everyone else for many reasons. I know there are plenty of reasons for me:

I don’t want to inconvenience anyone else
I don’t want to be seen as needy or sick
Maybe it’s not as bad as I think it is
I don’t want to spend money that could be used on someone else
My family needs me so I can’t get down physically or emotionally

Why this is wrong thinking

I know you’ve heard it before but hear it again – If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else. It’s true, if you are a physical, emotional, or spiritual mess, you can’t expect to help anyone else in those areas. And the further down you get, the longer it will take to get out. Sometimes it even takes a crisis to make us realize that we are human and we need care as much as the next person.

Then it becomes a vicious cycle.  When you are stressed out (and who isn’t?), it affects your body in a negative way. I’m no doctor or scientist, but I know from experience that stress makes you sick. And fat… and grouchy. And causes a lot of other problems. Stress is one of the main factors in health decline because is affects the body in so many different ways… ways that you may not even realize

Good Stress

Back in the day – and I do mean way back in the day, stress was a good sign. It still is a good sign but in quite a different way. You see, back then, when people were hunters and gatherers, there were many things that were a threat to them. Suppose Dave was out hunting for the family’s evening meal when suddenly a bear appears out of nowhere.


Immediately the fight-or-flight response kicks in and adrenaline and cortisol course through Dave’s body and he has to make a decision to either fight the bear (and maybe get the evening meal!) or run like all get-out to save his own life.

That is the good type of stress because it let Dave know that he is in danger and and needs to act fast. When everything is over and Dave is safe, his adrenaline and cortisol subside and and his breathing returns to normal.

He’s good to go until the next time he sees a bear.

Harmful Stress

Dave was good with stress because it came and it went. It didn’t stay around forever beating his body up. These days, there is stress everywhere! Between family, jobs, bills, relationships, health, politics…. there is stress everywhere. This in turn leads to more problems and more stress. The assault of stress keeps us in a constant fight-or-flight mode, which affects the cortisol release in our bodies, which affects the adrenals, and it goes on and on.

In the end, we (notice I said WE) have extra fat, lethargy, mood swings – and that is just the beginning.

Do it now if you have been hanging in there for too long. Go ahead and

Leave the relationship
Go to the doctor
Quit your job or find a different one
Ask for help
Have that difficult talk 

Take a moment to evaluate what needs to be done to alleviate at least part of the stress. Make it a priority to find ways in your daily life to resolve some of the overshadowing issues because hanging in there could be killing you!

— JKMayfield

Moist but Sturdy Carrot (and only Carrot) Cake

Have I told you how much I love buttercream?

This cake was supposed to be easy peasy. Let me tell you, I was in labor with my baby way less time than I had to spend on this cake! It looks simple and it should have been but it wasn’t. Here is a carrot cake (which I will give you the recipe for below) with cream cheese frosting. This cake was supposed to just have frosting, not fondant… that’s where the disaster came in.

I love eating buttercream but…

I’ve never particularly loved doing buttercream cakes, although it technically should be easier.  YouTube videos have played such a big role in my decorating that it’s crazy and I’ve tried every technique you can throw at me. Mine still come out looking like a 5-year-old decorated them but by God’s grace alone I am getting better. Not for this cake though. However, in the end, it turned out lovely.

Let’s just forget that I:

  • put the buttercream on 3 times total,
  • scraped it off twice,
  • made chocolate ganache that didn’t turn out
  • and finally said “Foot on it” and made fondant at 2 in the morning.


This was for my sister-in-law’s mother for her birthday. 4-dozen cupcakes in various flavors were made to go along. Look below for a delicious carrot cake recipe that I adapted from another baker at Gimme Some Oven. I loovvveee this website, she has so many yummy recipes.

First of all, I needed one that didn’t include pineapple and coconut, as I believe a carrot cake should be just that – a carrot cake. 

Furthermore, it had to be a carrot cake that didn’t have a lot of extra spices in it…  Carrot cake may be a spice cake of sorts but I didn’t want it to have cloves and all that nonsense covering up the beautiful cinnamon notes that should ring out right beside the carrot. This one is awesome because it has just the right amount of cinnamon and a little nutmeg besides.

And Finally!

Here is the recipe as I made it. I needed something that was moist but, most of all, wouldn’t fall apart when I tried to stack it – this one was perfect! I’ve included my stand-by frosting recipe, not the one I used on this cake, for obvious reasons. Nobody wants to frost a cake 3 times.


Carrot Cake
A deliciously moist, yet sturdy carrot cake.
Write a review
For Cake
  1. 1 1/2 cups plus 2 Tablespoons vegetable or canola oil
  2. 1 cup granulated sugar
  3. 1 cup brown sugar
  4. 7 eggs
  5. 1 Tbsp. vanilla extract
  6. 3 1/4 cups flour
  7. 2 Tbsp. ground cinnamon
  8. 2 tsp. baking soda
  9. 2 tsp. salt
  10. 1 tsp. baking powder
  11. 1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg
  12. 1 lb. finely-grated fresh carrots
  13. (optional: 1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts and/or 1/2 cup raisins)
Cream Cheese Frosting
  1. 1 8-oz box of cream cheese
  2. 1 stick (1/2 cup) of butter
  3. 1 tsp. vanilla
  4. 1/4 tsp. salt
  5. 3 1/2 cups powdered sugar (use more for thicker frosting)
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
  2. Grease and flour three 8-inch round baking pans. Or alternately, you can use two 9-inch round baking pans.
  3. Spread nuts on a large baking sheet and put in the oven for about 5 minutes. You should be able to smell a toasty smell when they are done.
  4. In the bowl of a large stand mixer, mix together oil, granulated sugar, and brown sugar until combined and smooth. Add in the eggs one at a time, then the vanilla, and mix until smooth.
  5. In a separate bowl, whisk together the remaining dry ingredients (flour, cinnamon, baking soda, salt, baking powder, and nutmeg) until combined. Add the dry ingredient mixture to the mixing bowl, and beat on medium-speed until just combined, scraping down the pan at least once to be sure that everything is well mixed. Then fold in the grated carrots by hand, and stir until combined. If you would like to add nuts and/or raisins, stir them in at this time as well.
  6. Pour the batter evenly into the prepared cake pans. Then bake for 25-30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the middle of the cakes comes out clean. Remove pans and let them cool on a wire rack until the cakes reach room temperature. Remove them and use a large knife or a cake leveler to level off the domed tops of the cakes so that they are level and even.
  7. Layer the cakes with the cream cheese frosting, and then frost the outside of the cake as you desire. Serve that day or store, covered, for up to 4 days.
  8. Enjoy!!
Laughter & Curls
 How do you like YOUR carrot cake? Personally, I also don’t like nuts in mine (I’m probably a purist, ha!) but this was a special request.  If you try this one, let me know in the comments how it turned out!!

Much Love,
Esmeralda Daphne

— JKMayfield

5 ways to make your day more productive

5 things you should do in the morning to make your day more productive

Who wouldn’t want to be more productive with very little effort?

I know, I know… you are probably thinking that I’m just crazy for thinking you can add 5 MORE things to your already hectic morning. Believe me, I’m not here to put more on you, I’m here to let you know how these things can SAVE. YOUR. DAY!

I’m a mom who works full-time in the rat race. Someday I won’t but today I do. I get up and take care of business before I go and take care of someone else’s business, ya know?? So I really do get it… in fact sometimes I still have a hard time holding it together. At first it did seem like doing these things added to the stress but once I made them a habit, it’s a whole different card game.

First of all… and stick with me here!…. You ARE going to need to get up earlier. NO, NO, NO!!! Please don’t leave because you will find that if you implement these things, your day will go smoother over all and you will be more sane in the long run. And I must add that there will be another post about things you can do at night to make the next morning go more smoothly. This is really the key to  making all of this work. So bare with me and let’s just try it! You don’t have to get it perfectly the first time but, I promise, it will come!

The trick is to get ahead and stay ahead.  These 5 things will help you do that!

We will start out with the simple and eeeaaasssse into the things you think you won’t be able to do… ever.

 1. Make the bed

This seems like a no-brainer to some of you, I get that. But as someone who was used to just getting up and getting ready as quickly as possible, I figured it could wait. For real! You’re just gonna get back in it when you get home so why bother?!

But guess what? The first thing you see when  you walk into your bedroom after a long day at work or running errands or taking the children to the ball game – the unmade bed. If you’re anything like me, the sheets are halfway untucked at the end of the bed so you have to make it back anyway before you can get a good night’s rest in it. So it makes sense to just take a few minutes right when you get up to make that baby back up. It also prevents you from getting back in it after you get out of the shower or whatever. I’m not judging, I’ve actually done it too. 

The best reason to make the bed though, is that when you come in and see a nice, neatly made bed, it provides a sense of calm to your evening. It’s one less thing you have to do in your exhausted state before going to sleep. And it’s easy! 

2. Make sure no dirty dishes are in the sink

Now I know you are really wanting to click on that X button at the top but hear me out. I didn’t say you have to wash dishes. I just said to make sure there are no dirty dishes in the sink. Who in their right mind wants to come home to a load of dirty dishes stacked up in the sink? Certainly not me. When I get up in the mornings, I usually do have a few dishes left from the night before. My husband eats at around 9pm, which is about the time I get in bed to go to sleep. (I’ll tell you how that’s possible in another post). So there are usually a few dishes. I either wash those few things or throw them in the dishwasher, depending on whether the dishes in the dishwasher are dirty or clean. I’m telling you!! I don’t have a lot of free time either! So yes, I do have dirty dishes and sometimes the clean ones stay in the washer for… a while. But if i get the dirty ones out of sight, the scenery is a lot more peaceful to come home to.

Doesn’t THIS, make you feel better…

Than THIS??

3. Put a load of laundry in the washing machine

I know you are sitting there thinking – Whoa! This is just getting out of hand!!

I swear, it’s as easy as carrying the load in the laundry room and putting it in. You don’t have to turn it on or anything. Just throw it in.

The reason for this is because it takes literally NO effort to turn on the washing machine. Or for your husband or child to do it (assuming they are old enough) for you. When you come home after all the other stuff you have to do, that load of laundry is already prepared to go. It’s just one load. ONE. 

It’s even easier if you have one of these sorting baskets like we have. We have a separate basket in the laundry room for towels and washclothes because I like to use this method to wash those. And I don’t like wet washcloths sitting on top of my other clothes either because it leads to mildew and stains and all sorts of nasty stuff that I just can’t tolerate. 

When I get home in the evening, I can just wash that load while I’m focused on something else. If I’m feeling extra feisty, I even put the soap and softener in that morning as well!

4. Sit still and drink a cup of coffee (or tea or water)

If you are thinking, “Duh, Jennifer, this is a time waster, not a time saver” then you would be wrong. Sorry, I call it like I see it. This is a tricky one because when we are short of time, we tend to deny ourselves. 

I’m not saying to drink coffee because of the caffeine (although that’s not a bad idea). I’m saying it because, as moms, workers, humans… we need a little quiet time to sit and plan and sort through the things in our mind and in our day. We need time to reflect. Don’t watch the news or read your social media. Just sit and meditate on the day and calm down before you go crazy! This is important but I bet a lot of you reading won’t think so. But just try it. I bet you’ll like it.

5. Read or write your Scripture for the day

This is the last on the list because it is most difficult and also most important. I don’t know about you but

I can’t go a day without Jesus!

If you don’t know His Word then you don’t really know Him. And if you don’t really know Him, how can you trust Him with all of the thing that happen in your day? To be honest, I usually do combine 4 and 5. That’s because reading or writing Scripture helps me focus on my priorities, which is what I’m trying to do while I’m sitting and drinking my coffee.

So, in my humble opinion, you are allowed to drink coffee (or whatever you drink) while you are completing step 5, which is essential. Am I clear on this?? Good.

In case you are overwhelmed with this…

Take heart, my fellow human. Life is hard and it gets busy. But you can do this!

If you are still with me at this point then Bless Your Heart! 

Whether you have a full-time job outside the home, or you are a WAHM, a SAHM, maybe even a dad… with some practice and patience, you can put these things into practice. No, it won’t happen over night. No, it probably won’t be painless. But it will be ever so worth it. And let’s not forget, none of us are a super hero. If you can’t do everything in a day, then you can’t. It shouldn’t be expected from you or anyone else to push beyond your limits and that is completely ok. Here’s hoping that you give these 5 things a chance and that you eventually find more peace and less chaos.

In this together,
Esmeralda Daphne

— JKMayfield

7 Characteristic of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

7 Characteristics of an emotionally abusive relationship

Have you wondered if you may be in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship? So maybe the ideas you had of what marriage is supposed to be is far from what is going on in your home, behind closed doors. While you never expected someone to ride in on a white horse (or any color for that matter), you did expect him to be your protector, your provider, and your friend. Your best friend. 

But OH what a jackhole you are dealing with now!

Things may have started out well. He may have even been charming and made you feel like you could do anything. This is what we call the

1. Bait and switch

Covert emotional abuse rarely shows itself right from the beginning… No… because you would never put up with someone who introduced himself as a lying, foul-mouthed, SOB.

You just wouldn’t.

Instead, he sees you as a vulnerable but bright and classy individual – someone he knows will make him look good! So he puts on his best facade and woos you with his kindness and humor. Or maybe for you, it is his wit and charm or smarts. Whatever… it’s something desirable but far from who he really is. He does it until you are drawn in and think you’ve found someone who will never let anything bad happen to you ever again. And then… when he has you convinced, he sets the hook and reels you in. 

It isn’t long until things start to change drastically. Here are 7 things that may happen in an emotionally abusive relationship.

2. Isolation

7 Characteristics of an emotionally abusive relationship

This is different for everyone and for some it is to a much further extent. During the baiting phase, the abuser may not isolate you from family and friends. In fact, he may spend time with them, showing his just what a “great guy” he is and how much he cares for you. But gradually, while most outside people don’t even notice, he pulls you away.

  • To the extreme, he may forbid you to work outside the home or be on committees you were on previous to knowing him.
  • If he is more sneaky he will find ways to make it impossible for you to find time for outside activities. For instance, he may claim he’s too tired to look after the children while you go out. Or you may have a gut feeling that you shouldn’t leave the children with him… it just doesn’t feel right.
  • He make is extremely difficult for you to make it to activities that do not (but could) include him by asking you to do spur-of-the-moment errand for him.
  • When friends or family visit, he treats them like crap or his is so rude that it is embarrassing to both you and them. He may even go outside or shut himself in a room to show his deep displeasure that they are there. You never want THAT to happen again so you are hesitant to have anyone over. Ever. Isolation

3. Makes fun of your emotions

7 Characteristics of an emotionally abusive relationship

In the emotionally abusive relationship, the abuser will make fun of anything you feel. And it doesn’t matter what emotions are – if they don’t line up with what he wants at the moment, you aren’t allowed to have them. 

And you have become pretty darn good at hiding them…

Until you are ready to explode…

But if you do explode, or cry, or laugh, or whatever the case may be, he’ll declare that you are crazy and need to get some kind of medication, which he will then say means you are weak, which means that….. and so on and so on. Any type of emotion means you are

  • Trying to get attention
  • Weak-minded
  • An F’ing Crybaby
  • A Drama Queen

Of course emotions are normal but around him, it’s just best to keep them to yourself.

4. Shows Compassion to Others but Never to You

7 Characteristics of an emotionally abusive relationship

In the emotionally abusive relationship, this is possibly the worst of all games played by the covert abuser. If you had a terrible day, are sick… get hit by a bus… anything really… it’s your own fault or you probably deserved it. It’s definitely not as bad as you are making it seem. Furthermore, if you are sick or tired, you have to hide it and carry on with your daily tasks as if nothing is wrong. However, if anyone else has a problem, he rushes to the rescue. Especially if someone important is watching him. He does this regularly in front of people that you both know so they will see how compassionate he is. This is to feed his ego and also to ensure that you are discredited if you ever complain that he doesn’t act compassionately toward you. This leaves you wondering what you could possibly be doing wrong that he is so caring to everyone else, but withholds his love from his own significant other.

5. Regularly Dishes out the Silent Treatment

Let’s just pretend that you haven’t learned yet that he is never wrong. 

Or maybe you haven’t learned every single thing that upsets him (which changes from day to day).

So you flippantly comment on how the sky is beautiful and blue. But he knows it is obviously gray (because, after all, he knows everything, you stupid idiot!). And not understanding that gray is such an important color on that particular day, you comment that you are almost certain that the sky is blue. (Since you JUST came in from outside, you remember the vibrant cloudless color was definitely blue).

But whatever… it doesn’t really matter to you and you go on your way. A short time later, you speak to him again and he barely acknowledges that you spoke. Or he may not acknowledge it at all. Or he may even yell out something at you and retreat to the other room. Whatever the case, he doesn’t speak to you again for sometimes hours. Sometimes days. Just depends on what his needs are and what’s on his agenda.

You will come to know how his particular Silent Treatment works. At some point you may be grateful for it. Whatever the case, his shenanigans will leave you flustered and walking on eggshells, trying to avoid annoying him the next time.

6. Belittles the things that you Hold Dear

In the emotionally abusive relationship, the abuser will make sure that you know how negatively he thinks of your life. This could be anything but it is most likely some type of value. He won’t do it obviously, he’ll do it in a way that leaves you unable to respond directly to him without looking crazy. He may be talking loudly on the phone to someone… loud enough for you (and probably even the neighbors) to hear.

He’ll pick that thing that you love and talk negatively about it. It may be something you believe in, such as your religious preference. It could be a family member that you like to hang out with. Maybe it is your profession or some way you contribute to the community. 

He’ll say it with words that are dripping with sarcasm and hate. And if you respond in any way, then he’ll accuse  you of eavesdropping.

7. Unwillingness to discuss ANYthing

7 Characteristics of an emotionally abusive relationship

When you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you have a surface relationship with few conversations. This is because he knows that there are hidden things that he doesn’t want to come to light.

For instance, he won’t talk about money because he doesn’t want to see how much the bills are and he doesn’t want you to know how much he spends on things that are only for himself. That’s if he even lets you have control of any of the money. But if you insist, he’ll make you out to be a money-hungry gold-digger who doesn’t know how to budget properly. 

You can’t talk about your relationship because you will never be good enough, sane enough, thin enough, talented enough to have a good relationship with anyone – not even him but he somehow puts up with it. He’ll twist it and turn it until you are so confused or angry that you give up the idea of ever talking about your relationship again.

Get Emotionally Abusive Relationship Help

You see, the abuser uses tactics (even more than this list!) to control the person he is with with and every situation that arises. It’s NOT you, even though you may feel like you are going crazy. Please realize that you are not alone! There are many others that share in your feelings of loneliness and hopelessness. There are groups that you can reach out to and counseling programs that are available for those just like you. If you are interested in more info, please send me a message or leave a comment!



— JKMayfield